Dating is such a hot topic among the youth nowadays. Articles about relationship advice, dating tops and sweet romantic love stories are among the top things people read about when it comes to dating. But while all these things are great things to discuss about one’s desire to date and meet someone, perhaps, one of the things that have not been written mostly about is the motivation behind dating. Discussions on the “how” and “what” of dating are discussed in books and proliferated the Internet, but usually, the “why” is just given a mere glance, just one sentence to get it out of the way.
While dating is a good thing, having the wrong motivations could lead to hurt, frustration and tears. Before embarking on the dating scene, one must have a clear grasp of one’s motivations so that the whole thing would be fruitful and fun. There are a lot of ideas, thoughts and emotions that drive a person to meet new people. Here are the top three things that should NOT be your motivation when choosing to go out on dates.
1. Dating someone to prove your worth
Some people put themselves out there just to prove themselves – whether it’s due to a past rejection, deep-seated insecurity or even lack of self-esteem. This should not be one’s motivation for seeking the companionship of another person. If you use dating to define and prove your worth, it would be unfair to yourself and your partner because the whole motive is based on a selfish need. You need to put value on yourself first before you go and meet other people otherwise you’re setting up yourself and your partner for potential hurt.
2. Dating someone out of boredom
No matter how many people tell you, dating is not a sport. In this sense, it should not be used to cure loneliness or restlessness. The person you intend to date is not a toy that would magically remove your boredom away. Some people think that dating someone is the answer to their loneliness. Wrong. If you are lonely before you date someone, you would be still lonely when you are already with someone. You need to find your own happiness and not base it on something or someone else.
3. Dating to feel loved
Okay, so some might say “if I’m not dating to feel loved, then what’s the point?” Well. It has a big point. A huge one. Entering the dating scene to feel loved comes from the premise that you don’t feel loved at all. Some people think that the only way they could be loved is when they are with someone. Yes, this is one way to be loved but if this is your only motivation for dating then you are setting yourself up for failure. Emotions change. And if you do not love yourself or feel loved by your family and friends when you’re still single, your status won’t change that for you. Learn to love yourself first and others would see that and would want to love you too.